Be Nice to be evil

Do you work?

Are you a student?

Are you an evil bastard?

If you answered yes to any of these continue reading else ... read anyway.

There used to be a time when good manners where praised and a nesaccary in order to get a good job, well they're still needed however try being nice constantly its genius.

If you work in a shop be extra nice to the customers, sort of american style with English class e.g. good morning, hope you have a nice day. if you forced to sell something that is pointless e.g. Topups!!! simply go to tthe customer would you like a top up i know you would of asked if you needed one but the managers making me she/he beats me if i dont, make sure they know your joking. have a little banter as well.

99.9% percent of the time customers will like your apparent sense of humor and politeness heck you'll even get compliments. if there is an area manager for the store you work at they'll love you as well... but you normal manager and fellow colleagues will hate you for being happy especially on a monday morning but they cant do anything about it, especially if the area manager aand the regular customers like you. its fun to watch people come in after a night out with a bit of a hangover and cant be bothered as soon as they see you being nice and happy they'll start getting pissed and the fun begins because the nicer you are the angrier they get the worse there day becomes the more they start hating there job .

Uses of ... chavs

1. Human, sort of, Shields
2. Target Practice
3. Chav Bowling
   - let me explain it’s like a giant version of ten pin bowling except chavs instead of pins and a tank instead of a bowling ball and the objective is to kill them all in less than 30 seconds you get a point for each chav double for 10 and there are 10 rounds.
4. Boxing Bag
   They like calling people so its an incentive to hit them harder
5. Chav Baiting
   Have you heard of bear baiting where people tie up a bear and let animals attack if for entertainment well we don’t think that’s nice so we have changed the bear for a chav.
6. Shark Bait
7. Crash test Dummies
   lets face it they will be a lot more realistic than those poor dummies they use.
8. Lab rats/guinea pigs
9. Crap Slave Labour
10. 9 was pushing it

Uses of ... a pan

1. Helmet
2. Gold Fish bowl For one that is afraid of the outside world
3. A tennis bat
4. Foot Stool
5. Toilet
6. A drum (hell if you have a lot of them a drum kit)
7. Cup
8. A bath for a baby
9. A boat for a small child
10. A shelter For really really small animals

Decide The Fate Of My Laptop

Spec :

2gig of DDR2 Ram
intel celeron dual core 1.73GHz
120gig Hardrive
Sis Mirage chipset for graphics 128mb dedicated 256mb leached

simple the opinion pole to the right make your choice and post comments destroying its not an answer sorry

Sorry

Right Here the thing i hate microsoft no denying it, but i liked paint, it was simple and easy to use i liked the fact it hadn't changed in the 10 years i used it, along comes vista - it aint even worthy of a capital letter, i have been using it on my laptop since i got the damn thing got it working reasonably ... ish even seamless intergration with ubunt looks cool, but when i finally come to use paint 2 month after i got my laptop for my next comic ... the fucked it up the paints are at the top WTF!!!!!!!!! colors drop down menu omg y???? I loved paint, it was an excuse for drawing badly, now its crap it doesn't look as good, the cool hold shift down and you have your own paint brush is crapper.

so as of this min i am using the gimp to do my stupid comics. unless i install xp

and if i have to install another popup saying check my UAC settings, i disabled them they're piss anoying, ... UBUNTU here i come i dont care my wireless card wont work!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!13! i have a 3g mobile broadband stick which you support now, go ubuntu. i will even install and dual boot Backtrack3.

Solving World Crises with 15 Foot Weetabix – Anonymous

This idea is the product of conversation, one half of which was drunk, which took place in a pub in Oxford, 'round about during the June/July 2007 UK floods. It is, therefore, no cause for surprise that this is one of the more well thought out ideas…

The Idea

A Weetabix is a fairly absorbent thing; in fact a normal 4 inch one can absorb maybe about 150ml of milk. Using a simple bit of maths, scaling all the dimensions, a 15 foot Weetabix, which is 45 time the length, could absorb about 13700 litres.

Instead of using it to absorb milk, it could be used to absorb floodwater, and so with enough of them, all the excess floodwater could be mopped up and gotten rid of. It doesn't end there, however…

A Weetabix is also a rather nutritious cereal, containing fibre, protein, and a fair few vitamins and minerals. This means that the 15 foot Weetabix, along with all the water it has soaked up, could be used to end both world hunger, and world drought.

The Problem

David: Here is the problem My Maths btw not yinder yee steven's (the guy behind some of the maths above)

A pack of Weetabix is approximately 99p and you get 12, so 1 Weetabix costs 8.25p pretty cheap until you work out how much for 1 15 foot Weetabix which is 45 * 45 * 45 times bigger so 1 costs 751781.25p or £7517.81 and a bit but since you can only buy them in packs of 12 a pack of 12 45 foot Weetabix costs £90213.75 not so cheap and I don’t think you’ll get them from ASDA possibly an American Wal-Mart in the snacks section but not in the UK.

So this idea was not well thought out.

WAR - not mine have been given permission i made it better

In the future there will be a massive war over the last resources left on earth …

David: You thinking this sounds Reasonable aren’t you Keep READING!!!!!!

During this war 1 side will create artificial intelligence that will turn against the entire of man kind forcing all of mankind to band together. This A.I. will create a biological weapon that will turn people in to zombies if that wasn’t enough dinosaurs will have been recreated and have escaped getting caught in the aftermath of this biological weapon.

David: this basically means it us v this is going to be some list Robots, Zombies, Dinosaurs And Zombie Dinosaurs and that’s not the end of it.

During this gigantic war mutants will rise up and join in fighting everything to claim the earth as theirs, not long after aliens arrive and none of these are immune to the biological weapon eventually the human race is wiped out.

David: So The New List is As Follows; Robots, Zombies, Dinosaurs, Zombie Dinosaurs, Mutants, Zombie Mutants, Aliens, Zombie Aliens. Oww almost forgot CHAVS. Where is the noose anyone?

David: For the idiots out there or those not versed in suicide a noose is a rope like thing with a loop used to hang yourself.

David: They always seem to be missed out in all zombie films, ZOMBIE POODLES and zombie pot noodles.

The Real Reason Vista Is Slow

I have thought of a reasonable excuse for Vista's slowness. Its working out pi, . No i am serious why else would it be that slow and constantly updating in the background its working out pi then it uploads what digits it got every day microsoft didn't want to say any thing so classed it as an update. so if we are lucky we will have an exact figure for pi sooner than we thought.

I know vista is really bad LINUX rules but vista is good to laugh at...

Ninja Girraffe

Ninja Giraffes – D.Hair

I don’t care what you people say giraffes are the ninjas of the animal world no I am being serious even normal giraffes are quite stealthy I mean what noise does a giraffe make? Exactly no one I know knows either. So imagine a ninja giraffe they could disguise themselves as anything for example a lamppost or a tree… be warned they’re out there.

The Chav Wheel

Given the current growth of Britain's population and energy consumption, and the lack of renewable sources of electricity, I have devised a revolutionary, if some what idiotic, new source of power, and population management.

The scheme involves: a giant hamster wheel; a dynamo generator; scratch that a big dynamo generator; a bottle of something cheap, and not entirely unlike alcohol, with a retail price of about 99p; an abundance of copper wiring; and the willingness of the general populous to eradicate the chav menace.

If you are not part of the solution, you're part of the problem, and are therefore a chav. Consequently, you have no say in the matter, you can speak to our complaints department ie comment.

The plan would involve mounting a giant hamster wheel in a remote location, preferable somewhere outside mainland UK, and attaching the dynamo to the centre of the wheel. Around the hamster wheel would be built a small shantytown consisting with a cheap corner shop, providing underage drinkers with alcohol. A random police officer would be placed on watch there, to face a torrent of verbal abuse, in a valiant and heroic effort to prevent said drinking. The Police officer will have to be replaced every week.

The entire chav population of the UK would then be shipped to take up permanent residence in the shantytown. The only job available would be to run on the hamster wheel, thus generating a sizable amount of electrical power.

If the chavs refuse to work on the hamster wheel, incentive will come in the form of the 'horse and carrot' trick – a stick strapped to the chav's cap, with a bottle dangling from it, in front of them. This would be the preferred method, as it will cause the chavs to run until they die of exhaustion. The corpses can then be recycled, and fed to the rest of the chav population as a means of sustenance.

Diagram

Disclaimer/Introduction

I take no responsibility for any actions taken by you, the reader, after reading this. Be it mass genocide (it could happen), fortifying your home (let's face it, a war could break out), or the degeneration your mental integrity (consider this a warning), etcetera, the actions you take after reading this Blog are only your responsibility.

Use of company names in this blog does not imply endorsement by, or affiliation with, said companies. Company names remain trademarks of their respective companies. Any disparaging remarks made against large corporations, in this book, are the views of random contributors and do not represent the views of the authors – in the majority of cases. These remarks are not to be taken literally, and should, in all fairness, be considered free advertising for those corporations. Sometimes the remarks are nice, like "Hail Microsoft" – mention this phrase and die, lol! – And some are not nice. But do we care? In this modern society freedom of speech guarantees such insults should be taken lightly…unless you live in China

Hi all hope you read the above disclaimer, no seriously read it, go on just do it ok, good thank you.

this blog is not a replacement for my book which i am still writing ... it'll never get finished, i am just placing the material here for every one to read it is all my own idea unless stated i have had help form "friends" both real and imaginary yes i cant spell but who cares.