The Chav Wheel

Given the current growth of Britain's population and energy consumption, and the lack of renewable sources of electricity, I have devised a revolutionary, if some what idiotic, new source of power, and population management.

The scheme involves: a giant hamster wheel; a dynamo generator; scratch that a big dynamo generator; a bottle of something cheap, and not entirely unlike alcohol, with a retail price of about 99p; an abundance of copper wiring; and the willingness of the general populous to eradicate the chav menace.

If you are not part of the solution, you're part of the problem, and are therefore a chav. Consequently, you have no say in the matter, you can speak to our complaints department ie comment.

The plan would involve mounting a giant hamster wheel in a remote location, preferable somewhere outside mainland UK, and attaching the dynamo to the centre of the wheel. Around the hamster wheel would be built a small shantytown consisting with a cheap corner shop, providing underage drinkers with alcohol. A random police officer would be placed on watch there, to face a torrent of verbal abuse, in a valiant and heroic effort to prevent said drinking. The Police officer will have to be replaced every week.

The entire chav population of the UK would then be shipped to take up permanent residence in the shantytown. The only job available would be to run on the hamster wheel, thus generating a sizable amount of electrical power.

If the chavs refuse to work on the hamster wheel, incentive will come in the form of the 'horse and carrot' trick – a stick strapped to the chav's cap, with a bottle dangling from it, in front of them. This would be the preferred method, as it will cause the chavs to run until they die of exhaustion. The corpses can then be recycled, and fed to the rest of the chav population as a means of sustenance.

Diagram